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Consumer Bites: 04/25/08

  • Those economic stimulus checks we’ve all been waiting for will start shipping early, with the first set arriving on Monday. I’ve scoured the news sites and run across a couple of FAQs and still can’t figure out where exactly this money is coming from. I assume it will come from more loans, such as bonds sold to investors. If this is true, those loans will, of course, earn even more interest for the buyers, thus increasing our national debt.. It’s annoying that all of the reports of this stimulus plan are geared toward when we will receive the money instead of where the money is coming from and what implications that might have. Technically, the spending of your check is just perpetuating and ballooning the natrional debt. Hooray!(link)

Got a bite I should know about? Send it to: consumatron@gmail.com.

Large Popcorn from Landmark Century Centre Movie Theater

Item Purchased: Large Popcorn
Location Purchased: Landmark Century Centre Movie Theater / 2828 N Clark St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.00 w/tax
Purchased on: 04/19/08

Review: I’ll spare you the stories about how popcorn was traditionally the profit maker for movie theaters. If I wanted to impress you all with various facts about the movie industry, I would have gone to film school… oh wait… I did… Yet, I still don’t want to sit around regurgitating things I read in my film textbook. That’s what I did while I was in film school, just like everyone else.

I’d rather use my five dollar purchase to question why we feel the urge to buy popcorn at a movie theater. Seriously. I wasn’t even that hungry, and there were several other things to choose from at the concession counter… Including DVDs of recent films (really? who’s going to buy a movie after they just spent $10+ to see a movie?). Why, then, did I decide to go with the time-tested staple? Did I even decide at all?

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy popcorn as much as the next guy. I’m just not so sure I like it enough to pay for it at 7000% markup.

There is obviously something other than a simple consumer choice going on here. Popcorn at a movie theater may just be the single most powerful bit of expectational consumer psychology success in the world today. I admit it. I buy popcorn because it just seems to be the natural choice. It may be messy and awkward. It may leave grease marks on my fingers and pants. I may find popcorn crumbs in my collar and shards of kernels in my teeth weeks later, yet popcorn at a theater has transcended its status as consumer snack choice into the realm of very serious ritual.

The popcorn, itself, is always the same. Fresh, crunchy and hot, it tastes like what you put on it. For me, butter. Always butter (3 points for getting that movie reference). Usually there is salt too, but Century Center has upped the ante by providing a varied selection of “gourmet” popcorn toppings in the form of flavored dust. This time, I went with white cheddar.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, this modern ritual consists of executing a few test runs on the way to my seat, sitting down and proceeding to set a steady and consistent pace stuffing asymmetrical gobs of kernels into my greedy mouth. Half of the bag is almost always gone by the time the commercials, previews and silence PSAs have finished. When the lights complete their dimming cycle, a pang of shame usually washes over me and a split second of self awareness causes me to stow the remainder of my snack on the floor beneath my seat.

At this point, the opening credits of the movie have barely begun and two questions arise. The first question is why I didn’t order a smaller bag? The second is why I am still eating the dry kernels at the bottom of the bag when all flavor and hunger has left the building. For a while I am sated and comfortably enjoying whatever cinematic work is being projected before me, but before the first rising action has the opportunity to cleverly foreshadow anything, the bag appears in my lap and my right fist is plunged into the nutritionless void once again.

It is usually at this point of the ritual that I realize that what little butter is left has coagulated and attached itself to the inside of the bag. As it slowly and parasitically works its way up my arm in attempts of staining anything I touch, I realize it has ceased to flavor anything except for my open pores. Meanwhile, the popcorn itself has lost all of its warmth and is proudly displaying its lack of all flavor. I don’t even know what’s going on with the movie anymore! My breath quickens and all of the elements of my digestive tract curse the day I began purchasing my own food. Even though I knew how much I was getting ripped off going into this purchase, I act surprised and angry. I can’ help but wonder what kind of person has the constitution and superhuman bowels to take advantage of the theater’s free refill policy. As the ritual ends, I am left frustrated, in need of a loan and utterly confused about both my own actions and whatever might be taking place on screen.

I suppose this is why they suggest “dinner and a movie” instead of the reverse. Going to a movie hungry leaves me open to one of the most profitable rackets in consumer history.

You’d think I would learn, but I have been victim to this ritualistic savagery many times before and I am sure I will prove my weakness again.

Rating: 2 / 5

Consumer Bites: 04/23/08

  • During this Passover, there have been many reports of matzo shortages. I swear it’s not my fault, even though I make an appearance in this wild flash animation dedicated to the stuff. (link)
  • Hot on the heels of Earth Day, Nintendo is offering New Yorker’s free cab rides tomorrow in celebration of this weekend’s release of Mario Kart Wii. (link) (thanks, Transiit!)

Got a bite I should know about? Send it to: consumatron@gmail.com.

Little Tikes Bus Scoot Toy (used)

Item Purchased: Little Tikes Bus Scoot Toy (used)
Location Purchased: Unique Thrift Store / 3000 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.99 + tax
Purchased on: 04/19/08

Review: Like everyone else, I am susceptible to the desire to scrounge the local thrift store for ironic or otherwise humorous pieces of other people’s personal detritus. Most times, I try not to buy anything I won’t use on a regular basis and, most times, this isn’t a problem. The bulk of my thrift store purchases include clothing, records or the occasional coffee mug. Should I purchase something I will only use once, however, I can set my mind at ease with the thrift store mentality that states: this thing has been well used many times by many people, so I’m not really wasting anything. Indeed, thrift stores are one partial prescription for remedying our rampant disposable culture.

Even with all of this tiring preamble of excuse, you are probably still asking why I might possibly want a children’s scoot toy. Fair enough.

This scoot toy was sought out as a photo prop. That ridiculous photo you see of me squeezing my 28 year old ass into the toy’s cramped seat is all part of a larger project called YoungMeNowMe. You may have seen the project on BoingBoing.

YoungMeNowMe is a collaboration and competition developed for Ze Frank’s new Twitter experiment, Color Wars 2008, which is meant to emulate the friendly competition of the summer camps of our youth. Through a series of low-effort activities, teams earn points, collaborate and basically just have fun during the stray hours of the day. There are prizes, but in the end, the prizes don’t matter as much as the fun that is to be had.

The YoungMeNowMe competition asks participants to pick a photograph of themselves as a very young child and recreate it in a current photo. The results span from hilarious to sweet, but beyond the comedic value of bringing strangers together with laughter, the YoungMeNowMe project has a side effect of sending participants down a path of reminiscence that could possibly bring family members closer for just a few moments. I, for example, did not have any pictures of myself as a young child. The initial call to my mother was a little awkward as I tried to explain what I needed baby photos for, but after she searched and scanned, she admitted feeling nostalgic and bittersweet from paging through photos that had sat, collecting dust, for years.

Harmless online fun leads to connections both new and old, inspires creativity and laughter, and produces the side effect of a recycled purchase from a local business. For that, the purchase was worth it.

As for the plastic scoot toy, I shall either donate it back to the thrift store from which it came or help out a local tike seeking sidewalk mobility.

Oh, I almost forgot. You can contrast and compare my photos below, but I highly recommend visiting the YoungMe/NowMe gallery and glancing through the rest.

sneaker pimpNowMe

(YoungMeNowMe gallery)

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Consumer Bites: 04/22/08

how to flush a toiletgreen toilet leaves

  • Just in case the Google logo didn’t remind you, Happy Earth Day! Even the toilets are sprouting spring green leaves as you can see above. How about trying to waste less today (and every day) with what you buy? I, for one, will be getting that reusable coffee mug I’ve been meaning to buy for quite some time now. What will/do you do? Oh, and final question… How come I only see those “Earth Day is Every Day!” shirts on Earth day?
  • Consumer protection laws regarding psychics and other spirituality scams are stronger than ever. I’m not sure if Houdini is smiling wide or rolling in his inescapable grave at the fact that so many people are still fooled by this stuff. (link)
  • The new website, GreenYour.com offers over 500 tips on greening your life. The site creators have set their goals high by wanting to be the “Google of greening anything.” I’m not sure about that, but the site does offer several tips, from the simple to complex, on how to green your consumerism and co-existence with the world. (link via Digital Journal)

Got a bite I should know about? Send it to: consumatron@gmail.com.

Burrito Special from Mexico Steak House

Item Purchased: Burrito Special
Location Purchased: Mexico Steak House / 2083 S. Archer Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.00 + tax
Purchased on: 04/21/08

Review: On the bus home from a long day of work, with a rare lack of desire to cook something and a few extra bucks in my pocket, I decided to take the path of least resistance and most calories. Off to my favorite local Mexican restaurant for their monstrous house special burrito.

Mexico Steak House’s Special Burrito is a bit misleading. One might think that the word special signifies a certain exclusivity inherent in this burrito’s ingredient list. Quite the contrary! Contained inside the flour tortilla shell is, in fact, almost everything else included in the other burritos that Mexico Steak House offers. There’s chicken, steak, guacamole, beans, lettuce, tomato and sour cream.

Yes, you read that right… Chicken and steak. This burrito is a certified meat bomb that usually causes me to swear off flesh of any kind for a day and a half, following ingestion. The chicken is tender and the steak is perfectly spiced, as is always the case here. Also, the spicing, proportions of ingredients and (special?) addition of cheese and peppers draped over the top of the entire burrito behemoth does, however, legitimize the use of “special.” In fact, everything I’ve ordered for myself from Mexico steak house has been special.

Okay… maybe not special… but good.

(except that one time I ordered a veggie burrito and guacamole for my vegetarian girlfriend and found a piece of steak in both… that was just special)

Everyone makes mistakes. Just don’t make the mistake of ordering this burrito special too often. It’s good eats, but not meant as an everyday attraction. Of course, if you’re one of those people who eats McDonald’s every day, I don’t know if this would phase you.

Rating: 4 / 5

Internet’s Back, Free Time’s Gone

Reviews will resume shortly. If not by the end of this week, Monday.

Thanks for the patience, y’all.

Consumer Bites: 04/14/08

  • I know my cigarette habit is a waste of money, but what about bikini waxes for girls who haven’t even gone through puberty yet? This article is more disgusting than a smoker’s breath. (link) (thanks, Transiit!)

Got a bite I should know about? Send it to: consumatron@consumatron.com.

Consumer Bites: 04/07/08

  • My internet connection still thinks it is 1989. Hopefully this will be fixed by the end of the week. Please bear with me and thank you for your patience.
  • I’m just as concerned about the current recession in America as anybody, but this Associated Press article about consumer fear really pisses me off. The first line of the article makes it seem like living with what we already have and actually saving up for the things we want is a negative thing. Have we all been so thoroughly wooed and bedded by the world of credit that those two things are so foreign and disappointing to us? (link)
  • Apple, Inc. thinks New Yorker’s are really stupid. (anyone else notice how much Apple is beginning to look like the beginning of their famous 1984 commercial?) (link)

Got a bite I should know about? Send it to: consumatron@consumatron.com.

My Phone Company Hates Me

My internet’s been wonky again. I’m doing everything I can to stay connected to all of you (I’m so clingy!), but the Internet Gods don’t want me to win. Everything should be okey-dokey by April 10th. Until then, things are going to be intermittent.

Here’s a handy list of links where you can find me, though.

Where are you?





Bum me a dollar:


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